Top Ten Will Rogers Ripper Offer

I received notification today that I am a top ten finalist for the 2008 Will Rogers Writing Contest. It is a contest to write in Will Rogers' style about contemporary events.

The final judging announcement is due on November 1st.

My entry is listed below:

President to Rally Troops in Fort Knox?
Owasso, Ok., Sept. 24. - This morning George talked about asking Governor Phil Bredesen to have the Tennessee National Guard to garrison along side the troops in Fort Knox. I think he figures on taking them right down I-24 into Atlanta. Looks like he wants those Russians out of Georgia pretty bad.

On hearing the plan this afternoon Josh Bolten told George that no, the Russians were in another Georgia. All troops were recalled but given a full day's pay.

Yours filling in a foxhole,

Will Rogers


Rogers Reminds Voters, Keep Your Shirt On
Beaumont, Ks., Sept. 25. - Election officials in the state of Kansas warn that buttons, ribbons, and t-shirts with political slogans ain't allowed in the polls by a state law that has been on the books since '74. Just like fancy restaurants the polls will have loaner clothes set aside due to a new bill just in case somebody forgets. It just wouldn't do to have the voters go topless.

Yours in an overcoat,

Will Rogers

Will Rogers Sees a Hole
Washington, D.C., Sept. 26. - Mr. Bush is bailing out more banks today. It's kinda like digging a hole. The more you work at it, the more of it there is.

Yours leaning on a shovel,

Will Rogers

Here Comes the Sheriff
Schofield Mo., Sept. 27. - Times sure are funny. Used to be the Banker would run and get the Sheriff to go auction off a mortgage. Now they dodge him when the note is overdue like the rest of us.

George still has that plan though and it's nothing like the eight years of plans that got us this far in the hole. Don't believe me? Just ask him.

Yours hiding a banker until payday,

Will Rogers

Ladder Sales Go Up
Kansas City, Mo., Sept. 28. - With all these stock markets falling the sales on ladders have gone up. You see a lot of these day traders run their computers in the basement and have to climb up to jump out of the window.

Up and at 'em,

Will Rogers

Mrs. Palin Goes To Washington
Yale, Ok., Sept. 29. - I don't go looking to knock politicians, they do a fine job all by themselves, but if she showed us how to put that lipstick on that bulldog instead of just talking about it I would be happier.

There is a lot of posturing going on. That don't mean walking straight with your head up, it's more the opposite with your neck and words all crooked. Politicians love to tell how the other guy is worse than themselves but certainly not that they are any better.

Yours in good posture,

Will Rogers

Will Rogers Spies a Rat-hole
Tulsa, Ok., Sept. 30. - Banks failing means the Treasury is going to pay to keep them going with our tax money. Bailing out the banks means keeping them afloat while they are doing the same thing that made them fail in the first place and with our money helping them and in them.

I remember when bankers just used to pad their pockets instead of pounding sand down a rat-hole.

The government sure goes through our money like they can just print the stuff.

Yours financially,

Will Rogers

P.S. -- To Janet Jackson in the hospital, get well soon. To Bruce Springsteen congratulations on the booking. You just can't stop the Super Bowl from getting in the news even in September.

-- Joel